Éthique Sauvage

Commissions Gone Wild, Part III

2010-08-09T21:06:00.004-06:00

First off, I apologize to you all for not getting a post written in a few weeks. I'm prepping for an endurance race on my sister's horse, plus I am breaking in a colt as my summer night job, so time is a precious thing for me right now. Anyhow, I wrote my last couple of posts for the collectors. This one is for you artists who take, or are considering taking, commissions.

Common Mistakes You Artists Make Doing Commissions

Putting yourself in a position of extreme financial desperation. Just. Don't. Do. It. Before you get too desperate, get a regular job. The stress of it will affect the beauty of your work, your self-esteem, and your decision-making ability. Plus it is the root of ALL the mistakes listed below. To keep yourself financially strong, open a free savings account, and start growing $1000 of emergency money. It's simpler than it sounds. Every time you are paid, put some in, even if it's a couple of bucks. Not only will you eventually have $1000, but you'll also have developed the habits necessary to grow it back. If you don't have this kind of discipline with money, please, get a job at Wal-Mart--you'll never cut it as an artist.
Putting up with bullies. You might fall into this if you're financially desperate. But don't do it. It will crush your esteem. You don't deserve that treatment, and bullies should NEVER get what they want by bullying, because when they do, the world becomes a darker place. Keep in mind that bully customers are never as loved and respected in the doll community as they will have you believe--they match the psychological profile of a controlling personality to a tee. Also keep in mind that they bully because they get some kind of sick rush from pushing around other people--it's an addiction to them, and they will not stop unless you put an end to it!
Taking on too many. When you need money, it will be tempting to take on a million commissions so you can get all those down payments. However, what happens to most artists is the money gets blown on loans and bills, and then they're stuck doing all these dolls (which would have probably sold higher on Ebay, bringing in more exposure, plus feedback). The artist ends up financially desperate again, with a ridiculous amount of work to do, and no money coming in any month soon.
Doing only commissions in the beginning of your career, and no Ebay dolls. This is important. Even if you hate Ebay, understand that at the time of this post, it is the best tool for developing your 'fan base', which is vital to your career. In fact, people have attempted to start doll-only auction sites, and so far, they have all failed miserably. Why?
- None of the alternate sites had the traffic Ebay gets. It was kind of like plopping a doll store in the middle of the prairie, instead inside a big mall complex. I know this because I've had people writing to compliment my dolls tell me they were shopping on Ebay for something else and accidently pulled up my auction in their search!
- None of the alternate sites provided a trustworthy feedback system. Ebay's feedback system is currently biased towards the buyer. However, it's still the best out there. It assures people they will have a safe transaction with you, because other people have. Many of the alternate doll auction sites that have come and gone were anti-feedback--I'm pretty sure the people who started them were the same who burned their bras back in the sixties, only to realize they couldn't run a marathon without one.
- None of the alternate sites provided the unbiased mediation and security Ebay provides when a sell goes to hell. For example, once I bought a gold bar on Ebay. The seller took my payment and poofed. Ebay and PayPal reimbursed me within a week, even though they probably never recovered the money from the crook. Now, a small doll-only auction site would never be able to afford that kind of coverage for stolen money.
Anyhow, even if your work sells higher in commissions at the beginning of your career ... which it will ... don't fall into the trap of being buried under those commissions. Eventually you'll reach a point where the value of your work won't go up, and your artist pals who started at the same time as you will soar right on past you, because they've been listing on Ebay. Why? Nobody knows and trusts you as an artist! You've been slaving away for a few private individuals, that are not doing near as good a job promoting your work as Ebay would. And what's worse, is they're probably sharing crappy pics of your dolls on the forums, giving you bad publicity. So, until you have a pretty good 'fan base', I recommend avoiding commissions like the plague.
Taking too long. This is directly related to taking too many. A commission should not take a year, unless the customer agreed to it.
Not communicating with the customer. I know you feel guilty, because you took too many and it's taking you too long. But that's no excuse for taking people's money, and then keeping them in the dark about when they'll be getting their dolls. Eventually, they'll start asking about you on public forums, because you've given them no alternative. Now, what I would do in this situation, is give every customer a number. Then I'd post a frequently updated list on my website with their numbers, and where I'm at with each one. That way, customers at the bottom of the list wouldn't get too impatient because they'd have a clear visual of when their doll would be ready. Here is an example:
Doll 1: Finished
Doll 2: In Progress
Doll 3: Pending
Doll 4: Pending
Working with someone who has a different idea of beauty than you. If the customer shows you a picture of an actress you think is doggone fugly, and insists you paint her, don't. You have a different idea of beauty than this customer, and will NEVER please them. Trust me on this.
Working on the wrong mold for a job. If a customer asks you to use their 'favorite darling mold of all time' for a celebrity repaint, and you can't see the celebrity in the mold, refuse. Or else you'll end up with a mutant Natalie Portman and an unhappy customer.
Working without a contract. A well-written contract can save you so much heartbreak. So write one. E-mail it to the customer so the customer can print it, sign it, and mail it back to you with their doll. It should state something like this:

I, the customer, am paying for 30 hours of repainting on my doll. I understand art is subjective, and that the artist may give their all, yet not produce a face to my liking. Included with my doll, to be returned to me are: Tonner stand, original Tonner box (inner and outer), 3 hair ribbons, hair net, and a packet of silica.

Customer signature: Doll Collector
Date: 05-05-2060

Notice I make the customer list everything they're mailing to me? This is EXTREMELY important. It's very easy for a customer to think they mailed you something they didn't, and then demand you send it back to them (as if artists' work spaces aren't buried deep enough under customer stands, wraps, shoes, outfits, and ribbons--personally, if I took commissions, I would insist my customers send nothing but the dolls).

Well, enough of that! How about some cookie dough?

I give you the sexy dough fairy. She can be found under Dolls > Art Dolls-OOAK > Fantasy, and looks something like this:

Her defining feature is that nothing about her looks sculpted. Her head? A ball, with a lump for the nose. Her ears? Two sloppy banana-shaped things. Her eyes? Crooked and murky. Her neck? Virtually nonexistent. Her body? Rolled clay, with two balls for the breasts, barely smoothed in. Her joints? Bent clay, like Gumby's arms, with absolutely no bone definition whatsoever. Hands and feet? The pic says it all. Skin texture? Lumpy, covered in fingerprints, and often chalky from the artist painting over the dirt that got caught in the clay. Bikini? Not flattering for her body type--couldn't the artist have at least given this poor girl a dress? Don't get me wrong. Everyone has to start somewhere. But on Ebay? Asking $150? Seriously? A ten-year-old child could sculpt this doll in fifteen minutes!

Commissions Gone Wild, Part II

2010-06-14T19:01:00.009-06:00

You love commissions. You love getting dolls by your favorite artists with your favorite features, in your favorite colors, on your favorite molds. Or maybe your favorite artists' work sells like suntan lotion in May, and you want to guarantee the next one will be yours. Or maybe you don't do Ebay. Anyhow, whatever your reason, here are some tips on working with artists, so they'll always see you as a golden opportunity, and not a soul-sucking kraken from the lava pits of hell.

Keeping Your Commission Artists Working For You

For the love of decency, don't be cheap. Commissions are a pain, for all the reasons listed on my last post. But your favorite established artists who no longer take commissions? Even they'll crack if you make the right offer. And newbie artists? If they're not being paid well, they won't be around very long--so please, don't use 'em and lose 'em (the OOAK doll scene has lost enough great artists to financial burnout as is). What? You say you can't afford to be lavish? Um, remember Mom's timeless words about those dolls in the store you HAD to have when you were seven? Stop buying those dumb gumballs and save up your chore money!
Never forget that to you it's an extravagance, to the artist it's a car payment.
Be 100% specific about what you want upfront, and pay attention to any concerns the artist has regarding the job.
Pay quickly. Don't be taking your damp sweet time while your artist is nervously eyeing the electric bill on the table. Don't assume they took you on because you're friends. Instead, assume they urgently needed the money, but are too proud and professional to show it. (Hint for the chronically clueless: when an artist e-mails you your doll's 'done' pics, and tells you she'll ship out as soon as you send your final payment, what they're saying is, "Rent is due in two days, and I'm going to be $230 short. I've maxed out on my loans from family and agencies. So it would be damp glorious if you can PayPal me the rest on this doll ASAP, because it takes two days for it to transfer from PayPal to my bank account. Otherwise I'm screwed. Sincerely, Sleepless and Heartsick in Dolltopia".)
Spread the word. This may seem like going against your own interest, since it means others will be competing against you for your artist's work. However, without a 'fan base', your artist won't be around long. Again, don't use 'em and lose 'em.
Know the capabilities of your artist. Don't push them over their capacity. You saw their work. You liked it enough to hire them. Now don't expect them to paint/sew/sculpt like one of the 'big girls/boys' if that is not in their portfolio and you haven't paid for it. A common scenario I see is customers paying a newer artist $200 for a doll, and expecting to get $600 quality job (you know, with the piercing gaze, finest lines and smoothest gradients, all of which takes time and experience to achieve). It's like trying to force a $1000 green broke colt into the kind of floating Grand Prix passage you'd expect from a fifteen year old $100,000 dressage horse--let me tell you, someone's gonna end up on the arena floor, and it ain't the horse.
Understand even the 'big girls/boys' don't make that much. Trust me on this. I have a sister who could be considered a 'big girl' artist, and she is constantly hitting me up for money! (Dodges slap from sister.) That $400 Tonner repaint on Ebay? Subtract $80 for the doll. Now we have $320. Subtract $10 for painting supplies, wraps, laminated certificates, or whatever. Now we have $310. Subtract $40 for the Ebay and PayPal fees. Now we have $270. This amount is the artist's wages. Divide that number by the average 30 hours the 'big girls/boys' put in (which I know they do for an absolute fact--my sister puts in more than that if the doll needs highlights or whatever). Average wage for the 'big girl/boy' artist: $9 dollars an hour, a few cents above minimum wage in several states. And guess what? I make more than that machining. Plus, when I work overtime, I get overtime wages. Plus I have pay stability. Plus my value as a worker will rise over the years as I become more knowledgeable. Yep, I, a blue collar worker, make more per hour than Karen Kay, Noel Cruz, American jeZebel Originals, Fairies in the Attic, Patricia Rose Studio, Beautiful Faces, Dolls by Passion, and Cheryl of Crawford Manor do making dolls. But I'm not rich, not by any stretch. I'm just your average hard working American trying to make ends meet. So again, don't be cheap. Don't ask anyone to work below minimum for you, okay? It's greedy and it's unethical. And let me tell you, if you are one of those collectors who constantly talks artists down below their worth, I have no respect for you. Nor should anyone else.
Don't be annoying. Artists do befriend each other, so if you are a rude impossible-to-please customer, you won't end up on just one artist's never-paint-for list. You'll end up on five.
Remember money was the driving force behind all the great masterpieces. It's a ridiculous myth artists are propelled by some mystical, magical, artsy-fartsy force. No, creating a true masterpiece is tedious, with fun 'ah hah!' moments thrown in every once in a great while. It demands several irreplaceable hours from the artist's life, during which they could be playing with their children, visiting Grandma, comforting a friend, working to feed their family, enjoying the weather, petting a dog, or whatever. In fact, I'll go as far as to ask this: without monetary compensation, is it even ethical to spend vast amounts of time creating art? So for the third time, DON'T BE CHEAP.

Whew. That was heavy. Why don't we move onto something a little lighter? I give you the wrong-mold-for-the-job repaint. She can be found in all of the OOAK fashion doll categories on Ebay, and looks something like this:

Her distinguishing feature is her paint job over fights the mold in every way imaginable. Her lips are painted either over or under the sculpted lip line. And her eyes are either lower, higher, bigger, smaller, or more slanted than the mold's sculpted eyes. Additionally, her shading has been overdone in a continued effort to fight her mold, therefore she will look sun burnt or dirty. I suspect she ended up this way because, in their heart, the artist wanted to be working on a different mold and couldn't go with the flow of the one they had. However, she also might be a rejected commission, in which the customer insisted the on their 'darling favorite mold of all time' instead the right one for the job, forcing the artist to create a deformed Angelina Jolie.

P.S. If you think I'm just being mean, let me tell you, I'm guilty of painting one of these dolls myself ... once. My family still teases me about her, even though that was over five years ago! So if you are also guilty of painting one of these, be thankful you've seen the light, throw your head back, and have a good laugh at your deformed dolls' expenses.

Commissions Gone Wild, Part I

2010-06-06T07:50:00.005-06:00

Browse any doll forum, and before long, you'll find a post written in a nasally whiny tone, saying, "Why don't my favorite artists take commissions anymore?"

Why? They wonder why? Here's why.

Common Commissions Crap Artists Put Up With

First, many collectors view commissions as a cheap way to get a good doll. If you are one of those people who thinks that way, give me your hand. I will slap it so hard, it will fly through the Earth's core and make it to Jupiter (NASA's budget has been cut tight, so you won't be getting it back anytime soon). I'm sorry, but that thinking is utterly despicable!

Once as an artist, I spent three sleepless days in a row, frantically slaving away on some doll to pay Rhea's horse board bill in time. Fine repaint, lots of beadwork, costume lining, a story. You know, the 'works'. Days later, she closed painfully low for the work put in, despite receiving many compliments. Why? Who knows? Perhaps the 'big' buyers were on vacation. Or perhaps they forgot to snipe. The doll market is a small, unstable place influenced by so many factors, and the occasional 'dud' doll happens to all artists. Anyhow, to the point. To add peroxide to my hurt, I opened my e-mail to congratulate the buyer, and found three nearly identical messages from different people that looked something like this:

Hi. WOW! Your work is OUTSTANDING. This doll really moves me. But she ended way too high for me. I can't afford your Ebay dolls. Do you do commissions?

Be honest. If you were in my situation, wouldn't you kill those people? The only reason I didn't hire an assassin was because I couldn't afford one. And of course, days later, I had the embarrassment of explaining to Rhea's caretaker why I was short. Oh, and on top of that, there was a family member in the background repeating, "How much per hour did you make on that doll again? Not talking? You know, Wal-Mart is hiring."

Second, art is subjective. Until telepathy devices go on wholesale at the supermarket, an artist won't be able to interpret the customer's exact wish. Usually the artist will produce something good enough for the customer, or even better. But that's just luck. Oftentimes, the artist will put in thirty hours of work, only to be told the doll is awful. Especially if the customer picked the wrong mold for the repaint, which leads to....

Third, a repaint artist can only fight a doll's mold so much. Seeing a number of my friends' celebrity commissions, it astounds me how many times the customer will insist on the wrong mold for the repaint. Usually it's the customer's 'darling favorite mold of all time'.

Sigh.

I've come to an epiphany. All you non-artist collectors out there? You SUCK to high hell on picking the mold for the celeb repaint of your dreams. Okay? Accept it. Get over your in-competency. Let your poor starving artist pick right the mold for your repaint. Doing so would be a WIN, WIN; the artist will acquire something worthwhile in their portfolio instead of some freaking deformed 'Cate Blanchett', and you won't be whining about your repaint looking nothing like the damp celebrity.

Fourth, commissions stifle creativity. Painting, sewing and sculpting is tedious work. The only thing keeping an artist working through low pay and insecurity is the joy of creating. Without this joy, customizing OOAKs becomes no more fun than working at Wal-Mart. Except Wal-Mart pays better, and has benefits.

Fifth, commissions are a high-risk transaction for the artist. The artist is privately offering an unfinished product, and so much could go wrong during its production. And it's quite common for customers to bully around their artists, without Ebay as a mediator. The artist will finish the doll, and then be told to tweak this or that to no end. Newbie artists, in particular, are victims of this kind of treatment, because they'll put up with anything, out of a desperate desire to be accepted in the OOAK doll artist community.

Sixth, commissions reduce the artist's vital exposure. Having a big 'fan base' is critical to an artist's career. The more 'fans' there are salivating over the artist's work, the higher it can sell. Now, when an artist sells something on Ebay or a doll board, with their big beautiful pictures, they get tons of exposure. Especially on Ebay, where they also get feedback (which greatly encourages new customers to bid on their work). With time, they gain their much needed 'fan base'. However, with commissions, an artist can go years without people knowing them, because their customers simply don't promote their work enough. And when the customers do share? Well, we've all seen those collector pics on the doll boards. They're usually dark and blurry. This means popular Ebay artists' dolls are looking far better to the public than commission artists' dolls are. So, in commissions, the artist is getting virtually no exposure ... or worse, poor exposure.

So there it is. The reason many artists don't take commissions. In my next post, I'll discuss keeping your favorite artists working for you, for those of you who will die without commission dolls.

All right. How about a handful of mystery jellybeans?

I give you the soft, magical, mystery OOAK. She can be found in all of the OOAK doll categories on Ebay, and looks something like this:

What can I say? Usually these dolls' descriptions are as vague as their pictures. However, I have a suspicion that many of them are actually tarantula-eyed ribbon Barbies in disguise. Sharply inhales. THE OOAK DOLL MARKET IS NOT A LOTTERY, PEOPLE! There is virtually no chance you are going to find that $295 you are asking for in your PayPal account!

Copycat Artists

2010-01-19T22:10:00.072-07:00

Why do artists copy other artists? Yes, I know, stupid question. But really, why? I ask because when I was a professional doll artist, my head was about to explode with too many ideas. The thought of copying someone else's work seemed as fun as watching C-span while balancing my checkbook while on a strict diet. And I didn't care if my ideas weren't selling like wrapping paper on Christmas Eve. I just wanted to get them out. Share them with the world. Heck, I'm not making dolls anymore and I still have doll ideas pounding around inside my head.

So, what is so bad about copying anyway? The answers should be obvious to everyone. But it happens so freaking often; apparently, some people just don't 'get it'. So, for those people, I'll list five obvious reasons against copying another artist's work.

Copying another artist's work is stealing. Artists care about their innovations, and it's upsetting to them when people steal them. A couple of years ago, I received an e-mail from a deviantART vigilante angel, concerning my pencil sketch Dragon Bit. Turned out, some girl had posted that drawing there and was claiming it as her own. Heck, the girl even said her boyfriend, a supposed metalworker, was going to make a real copy of the bit, something I had dreamed of doing even before I made that sketch. Whew! Can you fathom how utterly pissed I was? But to heck with my being pissed ... can you fathom how pissed all my friends were? This leads to reason number two.
Copying is a permanent way of killing an artistic career. How? Popular artists have savagely loyal friends and buyers constantly roving Ebay for good OOAKS. If they spot something that looks like a cheap knockoff of their darling's work, guess what? The whole OOAK doll collecting community is gonna be talking about 'the copier' in two days, on private forums and in e-mails. The copier may even receive a snarky letter or two ... if they are lucky. Most likely, they'll just be sitting at the computer, watching their dolls not sell, blaming the economy for their 'bad luck'.
Copying technically makes the copier a bargain counterfeit manufacturer, NOT an artist. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Now, what doll artist wants that technical job title? Seriously?
Copying can fool buyers into thinking the copied work is the real deal. This can be especially sad, because people might think the artist does shabbier work than they actually do. Also, in the event that the copier actually does something unique and original, people may credit the artist for it (which the copier absolutely deserves, of course).
Copying can drain away customers from the artist. Broke buyers, knowing the cheap knockoff is not the real deal, may buy it instead of saving up for one of the artist's dolls, because they like the style--the artist's style!

That said, perhaps I should clarify something. Broad ideas are ten a penny. You could give two talented artists a fashion doll/fabric/clay and say, "Make me a wicked fairy queen." Chances are you'd get two very different dolls, using that same broad idea.

Then there is loose inspiration. Someone's work has loosely inspired me before. Cheryl of Crawford Manor is probably the reason I ever got into dolls. You see, she had a story with most of her dolls, and above all else, I am a storyteller. So when I saw her dolls, I realized OOAK dolls could be a wonderful medium for me to tell stories. In fact, the the main reason I like dolls is because they can tell a story (through their face expressions, costumes, accessories, dioramas, companions, et cetera). Anyhow, people familiar with both our work might notice we share a love for story, detail, and scale. But our work is different. People would never mistake one of my dolls or doll stories for one of hers. And in turn, I know my work has loosely inspired artists out there whose dolls could never be mistaken for one of mine.

So if broad ideas and loose inspiration isn't copying, what is?

The devil is in the embellishments.

Here are a few examples of copying:

Example #1: If someone turns a Barbie doll into an OOAK fairy after being inspired by a bunch of fairies on Ebay by various artists, it doesn't make them a copier. Slightly unimaginative, perhaps, because artists have been overdoing fairies since Renée Coughlan made them popular in the first place ... no offence meant towards all my wonderful artist friends out there who do fairies. Ah, shoot. There is no way of saying that without being offensive, is there? But you all will love me anyway, right? Anyhow, here is my advice for all you newbie artists out there: DO NOT MAKE FAIRIES. Why? There is no unique twist you can put on them that hasn't been done 1,000,000,000,000 times before. Moreover, there is such an infestation of them, I'm about to pull out Dad's pellet gun and shoot 'em down, before they make the world all sparkly. Heck, I bet they'd make splendid target practice, because, unlike the prairie dogs, they are bright, flit about in plain view, and do not disappear down holes. Sigh. Was I rambling? Back on topic. On the other hand, if someone makes a lollita fairy in a pink dress, with a tall boots, holding a lollipop and a teddy bear, after seeing one just like it on Ebay ... ding, ding, ding ... we got a COPIER!

Example #2: If someone sees some steam punk dolls on Ebay by various artists, and is suddenly inspired to sculpt an original one of their own (original as in "entirely different twist or concept", not original as in "different colors or hairdo"), it doesn't make them a copier. However, if someone sees a line of steam punk angel boys sell well by a top Ebay artist, and starts their own line of steam punk angel boys... ding, ding, ding ... we got a COPIER!

Example #3: If someone is inspired to make a centaur after seeing some on Ebay by various artists, it doesn't make them a copier, especially if they do something outrageously unique with said centaur. But if someone sees a "Centaurs of the World" series selling well by a top Ebay artist, and then starts a "Centaurs of the Earth" series ... ding, ding, ding ... we got a COPIER!

Oh, and auction text. Don't get me started on that!

Most of us artists, through trial and error, have come up with our own auction descriptions and terms of sale. Here you might catch a sense of our individual experience, pet peeves, current living arrangements, and voice. Personal stuff. Not to be copied word-for-word. But whew, you wouldn't believe how many newbie artists out there do just that! And what is funny is oftentimes they have no idea what the purpose of that phrase they copied word-for-word even was! Before long, all these artists are using the exact same phrase in their auctions, yet none of them could tell you why they put it in there, except, "all the artists say that".

Come to think of it, I have noticed the biggest offenders of ALL varieties of copying are newbie artists. No doubt, they did not do their homework before jumping into the doll scene. They simply presume top artists' work is the norm.

Well, enough of that.

On the opposite side of the OOAK doll spectrum from knock offs, we have a different kind of doll. I give you the lazy assed artist factory OOAK. You can find her on Ebay under Dolls > Barbie Contemporary (1973-Now) > Barbie Dolls > OOAK & Nude. She looks something like this:

Her defining feature is that nothing on her is handmade, or OOAK. The 'artist' grabbed a violet Mattel blouse, pink Mattel cowboy boots, and blue biker shorts, and then added a cowboy hat from Hobby Lobby (you know the little velvety ones stocked in the doll section?). This doll is exactly what you'd find on the floors of little girl's rooms all across the world, from Alaska to Saudi Arabia. But forget the lackluster outfit. What is important is this doll's story. She always comes with a good one. Makes her a bestseller for sure!

Tessa is the third daughter of an eastern Colorado rancher. She just arrived in Denver with her family for the yearly National Western Stock Show. While she's there, she means to shop for some good tack for her horses, eat a little funnel cake, and see the An Evening of Dancing Horses show. She's also hoping to catch the eye of that cute rancher's son from 5 Hail Ranch--her plan is to work up the courage to walk over and say, "What's your horse's name?", even though she already knows it is Little Rouge Lady.

One thing is certain. You certainly cannot accuse these people of copying detailed ideas! Sigh. If only they put the work in! Then we'd have the coolest dolls ever! Imagine this one: a girl in faded blue jeans, scuffed Ariat boots, a big belt buckle that says Greeley Stampede, a white NWSS t-shirt with green horse slobber marks all over it, short-shanked rock grinder spurs, a heavy duty wind breaker, a Ford baseball cap, and a spectacular face repaint sporting a warm cowgirl grin and that scar she got from coming off ol' Jubilee two years ago. Oh, and don't forget the nylon halter and lead rope over her shoulder. Border collie companion optional.

About This Blog, and Fugly Ebay Dolls

2009-11-01T11:20:00.104-07:00

Hello! Welcome to Éthique Sauvage!

My name is Sara, and as you may know, I was a professional doll artist, from January 2005 to January 2007, working under the name Brutal Sun. Clearly, I am no longer making dolls for the money--any dolls I sell on Ebay from here on out will be for the thrill of an auction, nothing else. For me, it was becoming as Gramps always said, "Do what you love for a living, and you might start hating what you love."

Anyhow, you are probably wondering why I am doing this blog if I am done with dolls.

Couple years ago, I told a friend I wanted to start a doll blog (or forum). Yeah, I know. Lots of them out there already. But none was quite what I longed for. You see, I wanted something different. Something geared solely towards OOAKs. Something less moderated, with meatier discussions than, “Does this head match this body’s skin tone?” or “Does anyone know if this doll’s outfit fits this one?” You know, something formatted to encourage people to let loose. Discuss the things they freely share with their dolly friends in secret. Something that would encourage the public dissing of bad or annoying ethics and practices common in the OOAK doll community. Oh, and above all, something that did not bother to tiptoe around oversensitive egos. Perhaps a place where being emotionally delicate and taking oneself too seriously would be poked fun at. Profusely. After all, let's face it, we are gosh dang doll people! We sound freaking ridiculous when we take ourselves too seriously! All said and done, I wanted to start something fascinating, edgy, and educational. Oh, and perhaps a little funny--not that ever am when I'm trying to be.

Unfortunately, life gets in the way of these things. Pushed the idea aside for a couple of years, until last week, when I woke up thinking about my ol' doll friends, and wondering how I might keep up with them, without having to wade through a hundred "Does this skin tone match that one?" threads. Then I realized I was in a position to start that blog, as I never was before. Why? I can finally say the things I never could say as an artist--I have no reputation to protect. Nor will I ever rely on dolls for a living again. Therefore, I can be as blunt, interesting, and sarcastic as I want. And perhaps in doing so, make the OOAK doll artist community a better place for my ol' artist and buyer pals, along with those who will cross my path in the future.

That said and done, how 'bout steak, fries, and a coke?

Fugly OOAK Dolls on Ebay

People without artistic work and/or study ethics are constantly flooding the OOAK doll scene. It's been that way ever since the first few dedicated artists received decent earnings for their dolls.

Gosh, I would like to get inside these people's heads. They baffle me. They truly baffle me. I don't get them at all ... what are they thinking? That making OOAK dolls is easy? That they can glue their worst scraps on a doll, dab globs of paint on her face, and then make big bucks? Or maybe they DO want to be an artist for real, but don't seek criticism for their work and somehow think the more dolls they list on Ebay, the better their work will get? Or perhaps they list their fugly work so they can say, "I've been selling dolls here on Ebay for yada yada years now", you know, attempting to sound prestigious without actually having to know how to paint, sew, or come up with an original idea of their own? (Ugh! And when will they realize how ignorant and pompous they sound when they do that? This is especially true when the listing below theirs is by a real artist who uses much humbler wording to describe their work.)

Inhales.

For the love of art! Why don’t they practice in private, and get good before listing? Do they realize they are shooting their career dead at the starting gate, because people stop clicking on their auctions after the second one? Do they realize they are flooding a precarious OOAK doll market with irrelevant white noise? Do they realize their work is so damp sloppy, people would pay not to have it in their house?

Takes sharp breath.

Do they realize they are marketing wrong? Their dolls are so awful, all they have to do is knock on anyone’s door, and say, “Give me $15, or else I’ll leave this doll with you!” People would do it in the blink of an eye. In fact, they could hit up several houses. Make a fortune that way!

Exhales.

So, what do these dolls look like anyway? You know, in case you happen to be one of these artists, and don’t know fugly when it slaps you in the butt and winks at you?

I’ll give you three specimens.

First off, we have the tarantula-eyed ribbon Barbie. You can find her under Dolls > Barbie Contemporary (1973-Now) > Barbie Dolls > OOAK & Nude. She looks something like this:

One of her distinct features is that sewing is rarely utilized in her costume. It’s all glued-together ribbons, wires, chains, and un-hemmed chiffon baby! Oh, and her paint job? I suspect the seller used a marker to line her eyes. But I can’t be sure. The lips on this specimen often look like a part of human anatomy no one wants to kiss--no doubt a failed attempt to duplicate Angelina Jolie’s luscious lips. Last, but not least, this specimen is commonly sprinkled with glitter and diamonds (a cheap, easy way to spice things up, you know).

Next, I give you the keep-one-eye-on-the-matter-at-hand-and-the-other-on-the-horizon repaint. Found in all of the OOAK fashion doll categories. She looks something like this:

Oftentimes, this specimen fools you for a while. Seems normal, at first. Then suddenly, you're looking at a Picasso. This is because her producer nailed the details. Shading? Impeccable! Lashes? Finest lines. Irises? A lifelike plethora of color. Lips? Gorgeous. Actually, I almost feel bad for the producers of these specimens--can’t accuse them of not putting in the work. But then, they see eyes staring at them every day, don’t they? So there! Doing the work is a big part of being a good artist, occasionally studying the surrounding universe is the second. And if a person can nail the details, they damp well should be able to nail the basics. Unless ... they never watch TV, or look at pictures, and all the people they ever interact with have strabismus. I mean, don't get me wrong, we all have crookedness in our work, but...?

Last, but not least, I give you the sexy male Gollum fairy, found under Dolls > Art Dolls-OOAK > Fantasy. Looks like this:

Can’t get enough of him? His loincloth is easily removable! Just makes you ladies and gay gentlemen want to click on the Buy It Now button right away, don’t it? Oh, and he typically comes with a shroom and marijuana leaf display stand, or at least ... he should. Because dang, he's on something.

Well, I’m out of here. REEEL FAST!